The Desert of Arizona
Clear 53 Degrees
A few days ago, I mentioned Steve Chandler’s Time Warrior time management book. It’s extremely valuable. One of the most valuable ideas is his connection between the people pleasing habit and time management issues.
From his book…
And just how do you make time?
It’s made in your mind. By slowing down. Paradoxically. By creating your day. By being ruthless. With great swings and swipes of your samurai sword. You develop a brutal grace. Cutting out the unnecessary.
Instead of letting your calendar abuse you, and letting people use you.
Why do you let all these other people clutter up your day? Because you want to please them? Because you believe their approval is everything?
I have never seen a greater time-waster than people-pleasing. The nervous habit of scurrying around trying to win the approval of others. Answering all their emails the minute they come in, taking their every call, fulfilling every request… interrupting myself and my own dream over and over.
There’s no time left for achievement. For creation.
If you don’t own the book, get it and read it.
And here’s a new habit to try out. Maybe it will work for you, maybe it won’t.
I call it: “Starting with No.”
That’s the default response (at least internally) you train yourself to give to any and all requests from the outside that would cause you to deviate from your chosen path. “No.” Polite, but firm.
The goal isn’t to be a jerk. The goal is to undo the people pleasing habit and buy yourself some time to truly THINK before you say, “Yes.” As a recovering people pleaser, I know how easy it is to forget the gravity of what it means to actually commit a portion of your life to something or someone. It seems like no big deal. Especially when that need to please is so strong. Isn’t that pressure uncomfortable?
Of course! That’s the clue there is something for you to discover. That pressure, if you learn to be with it without needing it to go away, is what will transform you.
People pleasing isn’t a PROBLEM, it’s a lesson that is here for you to master.
You either learn the lesson, or you repeat the lesson.
It’s all up to you…