The Desert of Arizona
Sunny 52 Degrees
I have this nasty habit that has bitten me time and time again over the years. My wife hates it when I do this.
Instead of just saying, “No,” to someone who’s asking me to do something, I say something that is far less clear. Rather than endure the discomfort of saying “No,” (most people don’t like getting rejected, I don’t like rejecting people) I say something that lets down the person I’m speaking with much more gently.
The only problem is, they don’t get the message. Because the message isn’t clear. So instead of shutting the door, I keep it open. At least that’s how they perceive it. Now, at some point in the future, I’ll have to deal with this issue again. Only the NEXT time, there will be the added confusion about my intentions that I created.
If you don’t subscribe to my Monday Hotsheet (shame, shame…), then you missed a link to a NY Times video feature about a doctor turned skater named “Slomo.” If you haven’t seen this, watch it.
In that video, Slomo asks this 90+ year old man what his secret is to living so long. You want to know how the old guy responded? He said…
DO WHAT YOU WANT.
Sounds like my kind of guy.
I like to help people. The funny thing is, the better I get at “helping people” the fewer people I’m able to help in the same ways. For example, right now, I’m able to offer things like this and this. That won’t be the case forever in their current configuration. Something will have to give. Either the fee will go way up or those things will just disappear. There’s just not enough time in the day.
This means, I have to say “No” way more than I say “Yes.” And it’s only going to get “worse” the longer I go. Otherwise, in my effort to “help people,” I do it at my own expense.
The key to the “do what you want” philosophy is that you have to have the guts to tell the world that’s what you’re going to do. You have to stand up and be willing to say NO to things you don’t want. You don’t need a reason why or some made up excuse. You just have to make sure you’re clear.
I get opportunities every day to work on this. I bet you might as well.
This, to me, is the way to improve your life and business. It’s more about saying NO.
P.S. This reminds me of what Dan Kennedy always said about why so many talented business people struggle. They struggle, not because they don’t have the skills to succeed, but because they aim their high level skills at low level opportunities. If you can’t say NO to those low level opportunities, you’ll never reach the high ones.