The Desert of Arizona
Clear 67 Degrees 4:33 a.m.
The next few months will see my wife traveling all over the hemisphere speaking about birth and doing her work.
Right now, it’s Canada (that’s a picture of where she was presenting yesterday, right on the beach), then NYC then Costa Rica and then… who knows?
So what’s a father of 7 to do when the queen leaves the throne for an extended period of time?
Well, I haven’t had to ponder that really, because the reality showed up and forced me to figure it out. I jotted a few things down about the experience so far. A short list of “lessons” as it were. I do my best to get these lessons the first time. If I don’t, I know they’ll be back again in the future.
Funny enough, a lot of these lessons are valuable in the business world. Not a surprise, when you realize there’s no difference between the world of your personal life and the world of your business life. They’re the same world.
So here’s what I’m discovering:
LESSON #1: SURVIVAL IS NOT ENOUGH
Calls to “batten down the hatches” just don’t lead you to good things. Unless there’s actually a REAL storm and you do have hatches that require attention, it’s much better to use challenge to expand, not to shrink. “Battening down the hatches” leads you to shrink, not expand. Leaning into the challenge is where growth happens. And while you’re getting challenged, you may as well get something out of it like growth.
LESSON #2: YOU ARE FAR MORE CAPABLE THAN YOU BELIEVE
Resistance comes when your story for how reality is supposed to be going differs with how reality actually IS going. So accept, for just a moment, what it would mean if it was discovered that you have few (if any?) real limits on what is possible. I can’t tell you whether or not that’s true, and it really doesn’t matter. Just the idea of that allows you to see your current situation in a new way. Is your current situation REALLY the best you can do? If it isn’t, then raise the bar.
LESSON #3: KIDS PROVIDE AN EXCELLENT WAY TO SEE YOUR OWN CAGE
Raising kids is an interesting task. Each of us has our own “crap” we’ve accumulated over the years. Stuff from childhood, experiences as we grew up, our belief structure about what is and is not true. Our default setting is to eventually pass all of those things to our children. “No, that’s not how you do that.” “You can’t do that, people will think you’re crazy.” “You have to do it, because I said so.” This is how we pass on the garbage we carry from our life to the next generation. What a great gift! When you slow down enough to catch yourself, you realize that kids are pretty perfect already. If you can stay out of their way, they’ll never have to remember who they are or why they’re here. Don’t pass your crap on to them just because it’s easy to do. Use them to see the walls that keep YOU small.
LESSON #4: YOU ARE WAY TOO SERIOUS
Seriously. Lighten up already. Waiting until your life is over before you start enjoying it is a big mistake.
LESSON #5: YOU CAN EITHER TALK ABOUT BEING THE PERSON (DAD) YOU WANT OR YOU CAN ACTUALLY DO IT
Talk is cheap and kids know it. Make your behavior congruent with your words or change your words.
LESSON #6: POWER FOLLOWS THE BREATH
I don’t care if you’re negotiating a big deal with a client or you are watching your child spray paint the dog. Keep your awareness on your breath. It brings you back to the moment where you can make smart decisions.
LESSON #7: THE ONLY WAY OUT IS THROUGH
When in doubt, you just keep stepping forward. There are amazing things waiting on the other side of “difficult.” The challenge is what brings value to the prize.