Mountains of Arizona
Sunny 92 Degrees
4:01 p.m.
Client work is not just a journey, it’s a reflection.
I attracted clients that pushed the buttons of mine that needed pushing in order for me to grow.
I didn’t realize that for a long time. I thought everyone was simply out to get me and I responded accordingly to that thought. I didn’t learn from the experiences, instead I pushed back. I got angry, I got resentful. I refused to “get it” and so the same lessons kept showing up, again and again.
Clients aren’t out to get you, they are providing a reflection of you for you to see.
Your issues will be magnified by them. So whatever it is about them that drives you nuts, that’s a message. Go in the mirror and look at the cause and then do something about it.
Whenever a client paid me late, I always got really steamed. I thought it was annoying how it always happened.
But I wasn’t getting the lesson. I thought late payments were a sign that my clients were jerks. I thought late payments were proof that they didn’t “care” about me.
In response, the clients gave me a reflection of my thoughts and feelings. I thought they “didn’t care” and they gave me experiences that validated that.
I felt under appreciated by them. Little did I know that I was the one that was under appreciating myself… they were just reflecting it back to me.
In the end, these events were my biggest lessons.
During those times, I never spoke up. I never felt confident enough in my own value to see the message for what it was—an opportunity to grow.
I had those payment issues because I was afraid to confront money directly. That would have meant standing up for my own value directly. And my “neediness” didn’t want to create conflict. I didn’t want to make anyone mad and run the risk that I would lose the client.
That’s why I could never be upfront about it. My “neediness” brainwashed me into believing I had something to lose. And that’s why I allowed it to control my actions.
I wanted my clients to give me something I couldn’t give myself. I wanted them to show me the appreciation for me I didn’t feel on my own.
I was brainwashed by my training into believing I wasn’t “whole” and I spent all my time trying to find someone/something to fill in those holes.