The Desert of Arizona
Cloudy 51 Degrees
I grew up with a reflex-like reaction to finding “the edges” in my life. The edges are the boundaries between where you want to go and where others want you to stay.
This reaction in me was emotional and pretty much automatic. I thought it was me, but it was just a symptom of my training.
When I found these “edges,” I got nervous and scared that something bad would happen. So I would step away from the edge and remind myself never to go there again.
In school, when you find these “edges,” someone lets you know. They either give you an arbitrary LETTER on some piece of work you did to communicate it in a bizarrely passive-agressive way, or they provide some more public form of “discipline” to get you back into the “safe zone” of behavior.
I still remember back in 7th or 8th grade when my friend a few desks away asked me if I had a pencil. I did have one. So I tossed it to him. I got a “silent lunch” because there was a rule about not throwing pencils.
This is how you disconnect a human being from following their own voice. Next time, instead of willingly helping another person, you think “will the authority figure be pleased by this?”
This is called giving away your power. And most humans do it so many times per day, they no longer notice they are a slave.
This system of manipulation needs to end. It’s totally fake, manufactured and manipulative authority. And this is what they do to KIDS. And this is nothing. But when you do this to KIDS, most of them grow up into adults who are well trained.
I didn’t realize it at the time how much growing a human being who would act like this actually has to do. But I understand it now. That’s why I think about it so much:
Because the one thing I control is to NOT ever be one of those people.
So what does this have to do with working with clients?
Everything.
Because if you aren’t spending a large portion of your time AT YOUR EDGE, you are invisible. The edges are where your value is hiding. If you’ve been trained, then walking on the edges might feel a little bit scary at first.
What if you say something they don’t agree with? What if your peers think you are nuts? What if the whole industry calls you a crazy person?
Make no mistake, that is the feeling of truly being alive. That’s what real life FEELS like.
Marianne Williamson put it pretty well here:
“Living a meaningful life is not a popularity contest. If what you’re saying is always getting applause, you’re probably not yet doing the right stuff.”
So lean into the edges. Those edges are how you find the border between the people you can help and the people who are not yet ready for your help.