Paying the Penalty for Nice

The Desert of Arizona
Sunny 51 Degrees

RE: Paying the penalty for nice

It took me a long time to realize that if I really wanted to help someone, I had to stop trying so hard to help them.

Instead of doing everything in my power to help, I had to learn to stand there, maybe give some direction, and then watch to see if they were able to help themselves.

This is a rather counterintuitive way to go through life if you ask me. I’m a lot more aware of it these days, but it still always feels a bit odd.

“Bending down” to help someone doesn’t does really work. Inspiring and empowering someone to rise up on their own power DOES work. That helps to create transformation.

You don’t go down to their level, you bring them up to your level.

When you actually try too hard to help people, you end up hurting them and yourself as well.

There’s something very screwy that happens when you go out of your way to help someone who ultimately isn’t really willing to help themselves.

You basically end up paying a penalty for trying and for being nice. I’ve paid a lot of Nice Penalty over the years.

Think of that client that you absolutely went out of your way to make happy. Even though you did that, somehow, things ended up going south. The harder you tried to help, the worse it all ended up.

I’m sure you don’t have to strain your brain for more than a second to think of plenty of examples where you’ve tried to do this and got caught in this web of muck.

There’s only one place from which you can lead, and that is from out in front. You “dropping back” to help the slow runner doesn’t give that runner any motivation to improve.

You being out front and living as an inspiration to that slow runner, however, could inspire them to dig deep and pour on the speed.

If you’re gonna lead, you have to get out in front and stay there.