The Client Letter
June 19, 2013
The Northland
Sunny 52 Degrees
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Last night, I watched an episode of Master Chef. I had never seen it before, but I like Gordon Ramsay’s cooking.
In fact, every now and again, I go through major cooking phases where I crack open the cookbooks and have at it. I think my longest stretch was maybe 60 days of Gordon Ramsay style cooking.
Needless to say, there were no complaints from the crew. EXCEPT when I stopped cooking and we realized that I had ruined us from every being able to go out to a restaurant again (Sorry!).
How was the show? Holy dramatic Batman! That’s about all I have to say. I do my best to live in a drama free zone, so this show isn’t going to do it for me.
Anywho, at one point during the episode, one of the hosts looked at one of the contestants and said “I’m proud of you.”
That phrase jumped out at me and made me think about how much damage is built into those 4 words.
To have people breaking down emotionally based on the approval or disapproval of others points to a sad state of affairs for humanity at the moment.
During the show, it was so overdone it almost seemed like a joke. Except that’s how a lot of people are. That’s how I used to be before I was fortunate enough to start down a different path.
My goal is to never say, “I’m proud of you.” to anyone. And most definitely NOT my children. I think that whole paradigm is dying and I’m happy to see it go.
Approval should not be a nutrient you require for your life. We’ve been eating that far too long. So long that we forgot it’s a junk food. Just look around and see how it makes people “sick.”
The last thing I want to do to my children is to set them up for actually caring what I think about what they do or don’t do.
I’m here to support them, to love them and to accept them unconditionally for who they are. I consider that my job. Past that, their life is their life. And my approval or disapproval is irrelevant. That’s the message I’m doing my best to show them.
This has direct applications to the client world of course. Because so many of us have grown up wanting SOMEONE to be proud of us, we search that out anywhere we can get it.
But that search is like looking for a 10 leaf clover. You will never find it. It can only be acquired as a gift that you give to yourself. You can begin giving today.
Once you do that, you are FREE.
In this month’s issue of The Rainmaker Letter, I have a book recommendation that helps you unravel this “need for approval” ball of yarn in a unique way. If that’s something that sounds attractive to you, get your subscription going.